Batman

Batman and Robin are camping in the desert, set up their tent and are asleep. Some hours later, Batman wakes his faithful friend. "Robin, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

Robin replies, "I see millions of stars."

"What does that tell you?" asks Batman.

Robin ponders for a minute.

"Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.

Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo.

Chronologically, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three.

Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant.

Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.

What does it tell you, Batman?"

Batman is silent for a moment, then speaks:

"Robin, you idiot, someone has stolen our tent."

damnyouautocorrect.com

Remember when 'auto' used to mean "self"?

The Power of Positive Fantasizing - From Goblins

Funnier to me because the friend who showed me this knows by now that I can be just this positive and hopeful about third parties:

Realising what I shouldn't do and contemplating what I'll never learn.

It's Just A Little Blood

For that next person who asks what Red Wings are, and especially for haters who get their Y-fronts in a wad over it.

Lepida Cheers

The lengths that I will go to...

 

The distance in your eyes...

Donar, Donar, he's our elf!
If he doesn't beat you, I'll kill you myself!

---

Footnotes:

^[1] The lengths I will go to and the depths of my Photoshop skills: if only the latter were equal to the former.

^[2] "Losing my religion" is just a euphemism for losing one's temper or one's patience, not an indication of actual permanent loss of belief.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Losing_My_Religion

^[3] Shadowbane's avatar size range was easily the greatest ever seen in a MMORPG: The Elf shown is not dinky (six feet tall), the Minotaur is about twice that, and Dwarves were heads shorter than either of these.

Minotaur Porn

The Revenge of Sh'kala

In our grim search for justice, this was only the most tasteful example found of the truth of Rule #34: There is porn of it. No exceptions.

 

[I have forgotten exactly what thing was said or picture posted of my friend Sh'kala Stormborn, the Aracoix, that required this revenge be wrought, but she assured me it was necessary at the time.]

---

Tags

shadowbane, Naked Minotaurs

Old Man Murray's Crate Review System

"Games can be rated and compared based on the shortest amount of time it takes a player to reach the first crate, which represents the point where the developers ran out of ideas. This number is measured in seconds and is called "Start to Crate" or "StC". The smaller the StC, the worse the game."

Lepida: http://www.oldmanmurray.com/features/39.html
Lepida: It's a bit long, but well worth reading.
Lepida: And, as I reread it to*day*, I realize that Shadowbane is a Game where one may buy one's *own* crates.

Evil Mimes

Wed Oct 01

IRC channel #mourning-hg (Mourning House of Guilds)

Vorona[VraAkar]: That's what this server needs... a guild in whiteface called the Killer Mimes...

Knyx: I'm a M/A
Knyx: I could beat you without my procs

Vorona[VraAkar]: Mime Assassin

[MV]Serivahn: all shades?

Vorona[VraAkar]: Yes, Seri

[TSP]Aradorn: just make all shades

Vorona[VraAkar]: Do you mind if I call you Seri?
Vorona[VraAkar]: They could pretend to be in glass boxes.

[MV]Serivahn: I'd prefurr ser.
[MV]Serivahn: or Seriv.
[MV]Serivahn: Seri sounds girly

Knyx: ok Seri

[MV]Serivahn: shut up knyxy

Vorona[VraAkar]: That just figures, anything but the first thing I typed.

Knyx: I like Knyxy

Vorona[VraAkar]: Knyxy sounds girly.

[MV]Serivahn: knyxy poo

Knyx: idc

[MV]Serivahn: Vorona can I make an irekei and join Vra'Akar

Knyx: Knyxy is <3

Vorona[VraAkar]: Yes, you may.

Knyx: Vorona can I?

Vorona[VraAkar]: But no bhri of mine is going to be a mime.
Vorona[VraAkar]: You made an Irekei, Nix, then you didn't join us.
Vorona[VraAkar]: I'm shattered.
Vorona[VraAkar]: Heartbroken.

Knyx: I'll bet

Vorona[VraAkar] sobs uncontrollably.
Knyx comforts Vorona

Knyx: There, there

Vorona[VraAkar]: Come back to us!

[MV]Goretash: :(
[MV]Goretash: Can my Irekei join?

Vorona[VraAkar]: We won't reject you.
Vorona[VraAkar]: Yes, Gorefluffy.

Knyx: I'm afraid I dont have enough Irekeis to go around ;(
Knyx: and I doubt UDL would be all too thrilled with me having a char in Vra'Akar ;/

Vorona[VraAkar]: Fuck UDL.

Arnie[TSP]: heh

Vorona[VraAkar]: Goddamned Dead Men.

Knyx: ;O

Vorona[VraAkar]: Pus-bleeders.

Knyx: I revised my bio

Vorona[VraAkar]: Good.

Feng: Wow

Vorona[VraAkar]: OMG, I'm sorry.

Feng: a bit aggressive tonight Vorona?

Knyx: sheesh

Vorona[VraAkar]: It's all *your* fault!

Knyx covers his virgin ears

Casi|UDL: fuck UDL?
Casi|UDL: FOOK YOU

Vorona[VraAkar]: Nothing personal or /ooc, Casi, sugar.

* * *

[CoE]Beltun: how did the FC event with Aelfric end?
[Note: You are reading this correctly. That is Beltun the Handsome, Minotaur and Bad Influence Advocate, in the Court of Evermore, as a Thrall. I'm pretty sure it was temporary and that it involved blood vengeance at the end. And, it is almost needless to say, Errandir.]

Arnie[TSP]: Pirates got his books

[CoE]Beltun: yes

Arnie[TSP]: Ransomed them back

[CoE]Beltun: but did he die?

Arnie[TSP]: Got a bunch of shit FC items

zophar: zophar and the evil fc
zophar: pked Dragonscale
zophar: for an hour
zophar: and then left ;d
zophar: thats how it ended

[CoE]Beltun: hahahahaha

zophar: you think im joking?
zophar: :P

Vorona[VraAkar]: I killed two Dragonscale and terrorized two more, this morning.

[BC]Riley: Was Aelfric the evil fc?

[CoE]Beltun: no

zophar: me, the shade guy, my roommate and another scout

[CoE]Beltun: he was the templar

Vorona[VraAkar]: But does anyone call me evil? No.
Vorona[VraAkar]: Let me tell you.... *Mimes* are evil.
Vorona[VraAkar]: We spared someone from Empire of Knights.
Vorona[VraAkar]: A Fury.
Vorona[VraAkar]: The Khar'uus said she was too cute to kill.
Vorona[VraAkar]: I should have killed her just for him noticing.

Knyx: ouch ;(
Knyx comforts poor Vorona

Vorona[VraAkar]: Vaelgard, we miss you.
Vorona[VraAkar]: V'laad misses you.
Vorona[VraAkar] feels like the small child at the end of "Shane".

[MV]Serivahn: I hated that book.

Vorona[VraAkar]: It was a book?

[MV]Serivahn: Before it was a movie, yea.
[MV]Serivahn: I had to read it in 9th grade I think.

Vorona[VraAkar]: You poor thing.

And, for no good reason, my favorite mime performance of all time:

A Note Left On A Desk

Session Start: Tue Jul 15 2003
Session Ident: #(redacted)

Vorona: Let me share something someone left on my desktop, then...
[FV]Fohmyn: ...
Vorona: "As I lay on my bed, thinking about you, I feel this strong urge to grab you and squeeze you, because I can't forget last night. You came to me unexpectedly during the balmy and calm night, and what happened in my bed still leaves a tingling sensation in me."
Vorona: "You appeared from nowhere and shamelessly, without any reservations, you laid on my naked body... you sensed my indifference, so you applied your hungry mouth to me without any guilt or humiliation, and you drove me near crazy while you drained me. Finally I went to sleep."
Vorona> "Today when I woke up, you were gone, I searched for you but to no avail, only the sheets bore witness to last night's events. My body still bears faint marks of your enthusiastic ravishing, making it harder to forget you. Tonight I will remain awake waiting for you...................... ...... ........ ......... "
Vorona: "... You fucking mosquito."
[FV]Fohmyn: ............................

#athoxithoxa with Selenia

Thu Sep 18 2003
Session Ident: #athoxithoxa

Selenia sets mode: -m
Selenia> sorry vorona
Vorona[VraAkar]> Whatever for?
Selenia> had the channel moderated
Vorona[VraAkar]> Oh!
Selenia> guess i shouldn't apologize if you didn't notice
Vorona[VraAkar]> Men are all crazy.
Selenia> yes
Vorona[VraAkar]> And because women aren't, I don't even have to explain *why* I'm saying that.
Vorona[VraAkar]> I'm having a moment of emotional release here.
Selenia> Works for me, I'll mute all the men if you'd like :)
Vorona[VraAkar] screams, quietly.
Vorona[VraAkar]> No, no need.
Vorona[VraAkar]> Thank you for offering, though.
Selenia nods
Selenia> Anytime
Selenia stabs Sabot for an entirely random reason
Vorona[VraAkar]> Sabot!
Vorona[VraAkar]> Shame on you.
Selenia> hehe
Vorona[VraAkar]> He must have done something.
Vorona[VraAkar]> Never a prick amiss.

* * *

Tue Sept 25

Sekh^|Eesha> i wanna force airrazor to make a male character
PoV]Selenia> after all, i'm just a innocent little thing going to use the runegate
Vorona[VraAkar]> DON'T make an Irekei unless they'd be suitable to join Vra'Akar, and join it.
AirRazor> LOL
Sekh^|Eesha> <-------- ultimate irkeie! Sekh^|Eesha> irekei!
AirRazor> I've had one male char before
Sekh^|Eesha> yea
Vorona[VraAkar]> The last thing this God-forsaken world needs is another half-assed Irekei.
AirRazor> remember Inferno
Sekh^|Eesha> you deleted him
Sekh^|Eesha> dun worry vorona
AirRazor> thats not the point lol
Sekh^|Eesha> air and i have irekei, they are good enough for ya
[PoV]Selenia> we'll do ya proud vorona :)
AirRazor> mine needs work
Vorona[VraAkar]> Joining Shadowclan or Khanarch'asht instead might be barely acceptable alternatives.
Sekh^|Eesha> Vorona, you dont want me in your guild =
Vorona[VraAkar]> Why not?
Sekh^|Eesha> i like.....made alot of ppl mad
Sekh^|Eesha> rpking them
Vorona[VraAkar]> You kill your cousins?
Sekh^|Eesha> everyone
Sekh^|Eesha> except
Sekh^|Eesha> pov, wyldkin, AE, and ummm
Sekh^|Eesha> CoE?
Vorona[VraAkar]> You don't kill Amazons?
Vorona[VraAkar]> You don't kill Elves?
Vorona[VraAkar]> You're not an Irekei.
Vorona[VraAkar]> You're a Red Elf. Skah!
AirRazor> ye should join MV Eesha...yer kinda into the whole chaos thing
Sekh^|Eesha> pffffff
Sekh^|Eesha> vorona, i kill anyone except the people selenia tells me not to
Sekh^|Eesha> since she is scary when shes mad
Sekh^|Eesha> shes like.......
Sekh^|Eesha> the dragon
Sekh^|Eesha> x2
Sekh^|Eesha> and she stabs you
AirRazor> LOL
Sekh^|Eesha rubs his numerous stab wounds
Vorona[VraAkar]> I'm serious, though.
Sekh^|Eesha> so am i
Vorona[VraAkar]> I'm so sick and tired of seeing people make Irekei-who-aren't.
Vorona[VraAkar]> If you want to act like a loose cannon, make an Elf. They can do *any* atrocious thing and somehow be characteristically Elven.
Sekh^|Eesha> see
Sekh^|Eesha> thing is
Sekh^|Eesha> i love irekei
Sekh^|Eesha> and i love their discs
Sekh^|Eesha> and i just generally like them....in general
Vorona[VraAkar]> And then laugh and say "Don't question me", like Patsy on "Absolutely Fabulous".
Sekh^|Eesha> but
Sekh^|Eesha> i dont like
Sekh^|Eesha> rules
Vorona[VraAkar]> Let me guess, I'm the only person in here who's ever seen "Absolutely Fabulous".
AN]|Sabot|AFK> nope
Vorona[VraAkar]> I feel so much less alienated, now. Thank you.

* * *

Thu Sept 25

Sekh^|Eesha> "Only a true villan would use a giant fan on someone!"
Sekh^|Eesha> are you a true villan vorona?
Vorona[VraAkar]> Well, the Khar'uus does sometimes like to lie naked in our tent and have me fan him with the really big fan made of peacock feathers while I feed him slices of fruit that's been kept cold in a basket down the well...
Vorona[VraAkar]> ....but only on really *hot* days... and he seems to enjoy it.
Sekh^|Eesha> hmm, doesnt seem like the kind of fan a villan would use....
Sekh^|Eesha> im thinking more a really BIG peacock feather that blows people around
Sekh^|Eesha> you could get a giant aracoix feather..
Vorona[VraAkar]> Maybe I could get an Aracoix to stand over me, and feed *me* chilled fruit, and fan me with his wings, and paint my toenails....
Vorona[VraAkar]> Would that be villainous?
Sekh^|Eesha> only if your naked
Vorona[VraAkar]> Of course I would be.
Sekh^|Eesha> then yes, It would be, ill send one over soon

* * *

Tue Sep 30

[PoV]Selenia> You tell stratis: You really should consider being the aracoix nation's court jester
[PoV]Selenia> Stratis tells you: I may lead it sooner than you think
[PoV]Selenia> You tell stratis: Hrm?
[PoV]Selenia> Stratis: I have one thing they need. Decent camp access.
[PoV]Selenia> Stratis: I'm actually on good terms iwth the aracoix nation
[PoV]Selenia> Me: Hi
[PoV]Selenia> Me:My alt is sh'kala
[PoV]Selenia> Me: Leader of said nation. Pleased to meet you
[PoV]Selenia> this guy cracks me up